My life story - From rags to riches in glory

 

Hi, if I may, I would like you to share with you the journey of my life. I was born and raised in Chile, South America where I had a comfortable family life. I lived with my parents and two older sisters. My Father was a very distant and difficult man and my mother was indulging and spoilt me to compensate for my fathers lack. As a result I was a rebellious, undisciplined, spoilt and attention seeking young man. These unbalanced attitudes I am sure contributed to my later problems.

My whole family were heavy smokers and heavy drinkers; we hosted many parties and barbeques at home. I consequently acquired both these bad habits from a very early age. I did however acquire one very good habit; my father always loved to play guitar at these parties, and even though I never received tuition or encouragement from him, I decided to teach myself to play guitar at the age of 16.

I went to university for 2 years and did well in my studies, but I am sad to say that during those fun filled years at university, I also acquired a drug habit, which, coupled with my personality, led me into a serious mental breakdown. I had to say goodbye to my studies and I was submitted to many treatments and heavy medication. By the age of 19, I had received 8 electroshock treatments, I was on 13 different tablets a day and diagnosed with incurable schizophrenia and personality disorders. I was to be under strict medication for the rest of my life. As my life continued its downward trend, I had many mental crises and I returned to drugs and alcohol over and over again throughout the years that followed. In 1993, at the age of 28 I was sent by my family to a rehabilitation centre in Spain, which was full of drug addicts some of whom were serving their sentences there, many of whom were HIV+. Whilst I was there, my mother had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I was returned home to Chile after 8 months of begging to go home. But I would only be transferred on the condition that I continue treatment at another rehab centre in Chile to which I agreed. I escaped before I even got there. I subsequently “disappeared” several times after that. My mother died just 2 months after my return to Chile. I am truly grateful that I was with her when she died , sadly, she never got to see my new life.

At the time of her death, I was squatting in the house my family had recently moved out of. It was a real mess, with neither gas, electric or running water, I had written poems on the walls and curtains, empty bottles and cigarette stubs were everywhere. There are many days that I cannot recall what I did and are completely blanked from memory. But on one occasion that I do remember well, I met a childhood friend, Carla, she stopped me and we had a chat. She invited me to her church and asked if she could visit me with some friends, to which I agreed. They came round and tidied up for me, took me food and most important of all, the good news of Jesus Christ which I accepted wholeheartedly.

Although Jesus was now in my life, my way of life did not change immediately. Shortly after this I was evicted from that house. I suddenly found myself roaming the streets in the winter months, very cold and lonely, without eating for many days. I had nowhere to go, I slept where I could, if at all. Many times I would walk all night. I wore the same clothes weeks on end, wore a knife, nunchak and chains for protection. I was well known in La Serena as one of the “characters” in the town centre. I used to busk on street corners and sell poems to get money for alcohol, drugs and sometimes food. During this period of little sleep and substance abuse, more than ever, my mind was in turmoil and I was very aggressive, paranoid, depressive, delusional, undernourished, and worst of all, I was alone.

My few remaining family and friends understandably wanted nothing to do with me. I had lied and stolen money from them. I had constantly self-harmed and attempted suicide on many occasions. I had given them much worry and grief throughout my life.

I sunk deeper and deeper into alcohol and drug abuse as well as being a heavy smoker. There was nothing worth living for. I had many close calls with death both through my own attempts at suicide and through the dangerous people and circumstances I was around. My life was a bottomless pit of wretchedness and despair, but Jesus just never let me go.

I always recalled my friend Carla’s compassion and kindness to me as well as her message, and I saw Gods love in her. Slowly I began to attend her church services with my dog. Sometimes I’d just sit outside; sometimes I’d just go in and cry all the way through the service. Most of the time I had been drinking and was always dirty and smelly. Most people said why bother with him? They saw me as a lost cause. But no one is beyond the reach of Jesus. Little by little, a miracle began to take place. As I drew closer to God, he began to straighten out my life, I carried my new testament in my pocket everywhere I went, I began to pray and sing praise and worship songs instead of secular songs. At this time I asked God to free me from my dependence on medication, which He did, miraculously. He also broke many other chains that bound me. It was amazing, I had a new hope.

Slowly, my mind became less troubled; people began to greet me on the street again, I saw my family again and slowly recovered some of my self-respect and dignity. By this time I had decided to give up alcohol and heavy drugs completely, I slept in a small room in which I had only an old mattress and my guitar. It was at this moment, quite unexpectedly that I met Caroline, my future wife. She took me food, and after a time I moved into her grandmothers house. I had my first shower in months. I started to wear clothes that were clean and ironed; people didn’t know what had happened to me. We began to go to my friend’s church together, we were married and baptised almost 2 years after we irst met. I began to work and I became part of the worship band in church, and eventually led the worship team there. Then my eldest daughter Camila was born.

In the year 2000, my father in law invited us over to England for a visit, after which we decided to sell the few belongings we had and come to live in England. It was then I finally kicked the 40 a day smoking habit after 20 long years.

My wife was heavily pregnant with Natalia, when we discovered Zion Church in Chesterfield, England. Our third daughter Isabella was born in January 2005. We have been going to Zion ever since, I am glad to say it’s a church that’s really buzzing and going places for God. Including a great ministry with the homeless and needy. God has turned my life around, made me whole again, given me meaning and purpose, and given me a family which was beyond even my wildest dreams.

Every time I look back and see what my life was, and what it has become, I find it hard to believe how faithful God has been to me! There are many more stories to tell, and many years of troubles not included in this brief outline of my life, but God has kept me safe and loved me, even during the worst times in my life. I can only give Him my thanks and praise because without Him I am truly nothing, but with Him, nothing is impossible.

God bless you and thank you for letting me share my story with you.

Felipe del Solar